Last week’s Sinful Sunday post was about being open. Vulnerability doesn’t come easily for me – it’s an aspiration.
Protecting myself is the deeply ingrained default, learned at home. Damaging romantic relationships later on buttressed the wall that was already there, massive yet imperceptible (at least to me). Despite my blindness to it, I managed to open a Wolf-sized gate. My relationship with Gawan has helped me to finally perceive the wall and has inspired me to start demolition.
It’s a big project.
Edit: Guest judge Bambi from Girl, Uninterrupted chose my photo for the Round-up this week (thanks Bambi!) and said:
This is a truly beautiful image and evokes so many feelings in me. Being vulnerable is so difficult for so many of us and this image and her words really resonate with me. At first glance it looks as though she’s protecting herself, arms over her chest, afraid… but when I look further, I see a looseness in her hands as though maybe she’s thinking about letting go. Her stance doesn’t look afraid to me, it looks strong and empowered.
Sex Is My New Hobby 
Something I think we’re all working on. It’s wonderful that you’ve found a partner who makes you feel more comfortable being vulnerable. I love the pose in your picture – that you’re protecting yourself by crossing your arms, but your nipples are still peeking out. That seems symbolic in some way!
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Yes, I’m finding that many people have similar issues. How did we all get to be so guarded? And it’s not just that Gawan provides a sense of safety – he also provides a good example.
Yes, there are cracks in my wall. I don’t think I’ve ever been completely closed off. And thanks 🙂
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I wish you every success with your project. Tear down the wall!
And I’m also glad to see that your breasts aren’t _completely_ protected.
Beautiful photo!
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Thank you. It’s still difficult, but I think the rewards will be worth it.
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I know your feeling so well. It is such a process to open up and be more comfortable with exposing yourself. Keep it up! You look Great!!
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Thank you. It helps to know (directly, rather than intellectually) that others have gone through this too.
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I’m sure you are up to the task… go for it.
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p.s. yes, this week is quite the opposite. Thanks for the peek.
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Thanks, and glad you like the image.
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I think in some small way we all have this to work on as often shutting ourselves off can feel like the easier and safest option
Mollyxxx
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I didn’t even realize I was doing it because I learned it as a child, mostly from my mom. For her it was a response to events, but for me it was just The Way Things Are. It was difficult for me to see that I could be shut off even though I’d never decided to shut myself off.
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Tearing down those walls is one of the hardest things anyone does!
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Yes, it’s very hard, and feels fundamentally risky because their purpose is to keep us safe (even if that’s misguided). And impossible to tear down if you don’t even know the walls are there.
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I salute all the sentiments expressed here. Go forward. You’ve got this 🙂
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It seems to be a more common issue than I thought. And thank you.
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