hagakure

Hagakure is the name of an 18th-century book about bushido (samurai philosophy) but it literally means “hidden by leaves” or “hidden leaves”.

Both images are from my trip to Japan in Nov 2018.

This image was created for the Sinful Sunday theme for March (“double exposure”) at which time, unusually, I came up with more than one image that I liked. You can see my first choice here.

Sinful Sunday: It’s all about the image.

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room with a view 4

I’m in a holding pattern at the moment — while Wolf is working out of town, I’m busy with my own work, keeping myself fed, and teaching my dance classes. I suspect work will get a little crazy as I prepare for a business trip (to a place where it’s currently –20°) followed by a vacation (to a place where it’s currently +25°).

I need the break.

After a night of socialising (bordering on schmoozing) at my college reunion last year. I think I was reasonably charming? But it takes so much energy. Getting back to the room and out of my clothes was a relief in more ways than one.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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room with a view 2

This week started off deceptively calmly with a day off — at least for me, in theory, but the people generating work for me to do were busy all day so all I accomplished was to fall behind. It didn’t help that I had a reaction to some food over the weekend so my energy and brainpower were sub-optimal, and thus I headed into Tuesday with difficulty focusing. And the computer was acting up so I couldn’t do anything. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday have, as a result, been frantic. I woke up early today because of anxiety and was in tears before breakfast.

As of this evening, I’m no longer behind on work but I’ve still got some personal tasks that are getting very stale and I Just. Can’t. Rest. One of the things to deal with is getting the car moving under its own power again after the battery froze. Ten-minute drives a few times a week aren’t enough to keep it functional in the weather we’ve been having, and suddenly my virtue of being almost entirely self-propelled has become a vice causing all manner of hassle. I don’t have the brainpower for any more problem solving, so if there’s any new problems they’re just going to have to wait their turn. (Think that will work?)

I did squeeze in a 10-minute meditation today and I think it helped, and I have a meditation class tomorrow to help me recalibrate. And no one adding to my pile of work over the weekend (touch wood) will also help. Some of my dance folks are coming over on Sunday for discussion and socialising which I expect to be enjoyable but very draining. I’ve told them the start time and the end time and I’m not afraid to boot people out if it comes to it.

I think I can say without risk of jinxing it that, yes, I’m in a blogging groove again, but it’s a struggle to find time to do the writing and, more importantly, the emotional work that undergirds so much of it. I’m managing to keep up with my reading (there’s a reason why my follow lists are short) and replying to comments here (just), but commenting on others’ posts is beyond me right now, I’m afraid, especially given how long it takes me to compose even a simple comment. I’d prefer to contribute a little more social to my media, but for now I’m just going to have to accept blogging at all as a success.

This hotel that’s well off the beaten track houses well-tended, stylish rooms. Unfortunately, the light is stylishly low and it’s hard to get a good photo.

Get another view of this same room in room with a view 3.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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mile high 32

I’m on my own and I’ve now gotten into a groove. Keeping myself well fed and not boring myself to tears with the food I’m making. Learning to improvise meals using staples, the contents of my spice cupboard, and whatever perishables I have at any given time. And not taking all evening to do it. I feel… nascent competence. It’s good.

My workload has calmed from “panic” down to “frantic” and now towards merely “hopping”. The weather has been very cold and I’m feeling creaky because of inherent creakiness plus lack of exercise — the busyness indoors (I work from home) and the frigidity outdoors makes it easy to avoid going out and just park my bum in front of my computer all day.

Though my routine did get shaken up a bit the other day. When I went out to clear the snow off the car (not having driven it for days), the remote door lock didn’t work. I had to actually apply the key to the keyhole and then tried to open the other doors using the unlock button. Nothing. No electricity at all. The battery is completely dead. And I had a physio appointment to get to right away. This was an important appointment so, in problem-solving mode, I called a cab, which is something I never do. Happily, I got to the appointment on time. It wasn’t so far away that walking was impossible but it was a hike: about 30 min to get myself home.

And then I had to get myself to dance class in the evening. Again, I usually drive but walking isn’t out of the question. This was about 25 min. I would have preferred to drive because (a) one of the things I went to physio for was my foot and (b) it eats up rather a lot of time on what is always a busy day due to my dance classes running basically all evening. At least I got a lift home. And I worked out some of the kinks in my legs and hips.

But good news! Wolf is coming home tomorrow! For once we might actually have to decide who cooks supper. But I”m leaving the the dead battery problem to him.

Last leg of my trip home from visiting Jaime, Nov 2017. Do my breasts look tired? All of me was very tired.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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aerodrome 2

Another weekend on my own. I’m managing, but this isn’t quite what I’d hoped for when Wolf took this job.

It’s been cold and I’ve been hibernating, staying indoors unless I can’t avoid going out. I’m starting to go a little squirrely, but mostly I’m starting to ache from lack of exercise. But for better or worse I’ll brave the cold tomorrow to get to my meditation class, which is a 15-minute walk away. I’ve got enough provisions at home to see me through another couple days, if necessary.

This has been a bit of a challenging week. I’m glad it’s over. Odd that even at home alone I can have the urge to put a box over my head and call it done.

After a ridiculously long flight and with a short haul flight still to go, a shower at the airport lounge felt like luxury.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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mile high 31

I’m feeling very clever for having prepped a bunch of photos two weekends ago. Of course I knew it would make posting easier, but whatever it is that makes it seem difficult to do one at the time I want to post it also makes it seem difficult to do them as a batch. It’s a little tedious and it just takes time at the computer, but I’m already at risk of flattening out my ass from all the power sitting I’m doing while I work more every day than I have in years.

I’ve officially survived 4 weeks on my own since Wolf got that job out of town. The fact that I have to cook for myself is the single biggest difference when I’m on my own. I’ve cooked from time to time over the years but never really got good at it. It was effortful and time-consuming so I’d make a big batch of whatever, and then I’d get bored of it before I finally ate my way through it all. But now I feel like I’m starting to get the hang of it. My repertoire is still very limited, but I’m cooking meals for one from scratch everyday and riffing a bit with flavour.

Sweets are much easier for me, (though the challenge now is keeping the problematic FODMAP carbs under control). Some overripe strawberries in the freezer and some pine nuts and sliced almonds (toasted) turned into some tasty toppings for ice cream. Anyway, I’m feeding myself well and learning to experiment.

The lack of companionship is a drag but it’s manageable; I’m not the most social anyway, and I always see folks at least once a week during my dance class. But I am finding myself a little lonely at times — though not  so much during the day as I’m much too busy with work to notice it then. Wolf is busy keeping his shit together and we’re not in contact all that much. Jaime is available (from a distance) as much as always, which helps. I’m missing my friend Rosa but she’s busy with her new baby. Actually, all of “my people” (including myself) skew towards the less communicative end of the spectrum. Hmm.

A nice big mirror on a nice big plane, coming home from visiting Jaime in Nov 2017. 

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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mile high 30

Two Fridays ago, I was frantically prepping and packing for a business trip, and last Friday I was in transit for over 12 hours on my way home from said trip. It was good but exhausting (as these things always are) and I’m glad to be home.

A few hours before I got back, Wolf came back into town for the first time since his job started and thus was able to pick me up from the airport. It was late and due to a bit of sleep deficit, the ordinary rigours of travel, and especially business trips, as well as a minor mishap en route (I lost a library book!), I was completely done. Every goddamned thing was irritating: the way other passengers stood in the aisle or put on their coats or walked… so… slowly. The only thing I was aware of was all the things that were wrong, and that was everything.

But Wolf was there waiting for me when I arrived, and held me close, and carried my bags, and got me straight home to bed.

From Nov 2017, on a trip to see Jaime. I bake in a sweater while travelling; cardigans are definitely the way to go.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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mile high 29

So Wolf is getting settled in his new job in the other city (the other place, but not The Other Place, if you see what I mean). And I’m getting settled into my new solo routine at home. I have to get used to being on my own again (including cooking for myself, which I find difficult and stressful), at least for a few months, but there are significant differences this time. For one, Wolf now has a cell phone so it’s easier to be in touch from a distance, whether that’s by phone or text. We’re also in the same time zone so our cycles still mesh. And the distance, while inconvenient, is near enough for a weekly commute.

Except that we only have one car and the public transportation situation here is dire. But my mom will be away for an extended period — almost the exact same length as an academic term, as luck would have it — and she has offered to lend us her car, which will simplify things immensely.

But for now I’m now communicating with both Wolf and Jaime largely by text, which gives me a stronger sense of my menfolk; I’m more conscious of maintaining two relationships now that I’m alone in this house and they each have a specific text sound and call schedule.

From the last leg of my trip home from Europe in April. En route from Jaime to Wolf.

Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.

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aerodrome 1

Fall through cobalt planes, layers of frames. Draped in the colours of the space, but fleshly curves exist to challenge rigid geometry.

Aerodrome is my newest travel-themed series, for photos taken in airports.

Sinful Sunday: It’s all about the image.

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Edit: Ooh, I made the top 5 in the Sinful Sunday Weekly Round-up for week 403! Here’s what guest judge E.T. Costello said about the image:

I love this shot. The blocks of colour, the geometry transposed with Zoe’s half-stripped self. I also love the transgression/subversion of her project. One to watch!