I feel deeply. It’s a mere membrane between me and the world, thin and porous. Shutting off feeling is impossible, and even if it could be done, I wouldn’t. If I did, I wouldn’t be me. The pain and anguish of others is so loud that I tend to forget where lies the boundary between “mine” and “not mine”.
So I close the door for a while.
I’m in the middle of my period today. The pain lodged deep in my gut – at turns aching, or throbbing, or twinging, or fading into a background hum – that’s mine. Neither good nor bad, it just is.
It’s a glorious day today, and unseasonably warm. The sort of day that invites you outside, to feel the breeze on your skin, to squint into the sun, to move and stretch and work, to be aware of being alive, as though the plottings of humans were irrelevant to the rising and setting of the sun and the moon, to the flowing of the rivers and the growing of the trees.
The theme for Sinful Sunday is “change”.
For a change, I’m posting a photo of Wolf instead of myself. Wolf hates having his photo taken but, for a change, I asked him – and he agreed.
I’ve had issues with body image. I have suffered with my own perfectionism plus a small helping of the self-criticism that is culturally mandated for girls and women. When I started posting photos for the Sinful Sunday and Boobday memes, I had no intention of changing my attitude – it didn’t even occur to me that that might happen. But change it did, and for the better.
Wolf has a general discomfort with photos of people, himself and others, arising from the fact that the image is meant to capture a moment in time but it’s always somehow unreal. The only photos of himself that he doesn’t mind are candids because he can see them as an observer rather than as a participant. Looking at a posed photo of himself inevitably reminds him of the self-consciousness he felt when the photo was taken. (Now there’s a captured memory that one can live without!) And then he just doesn’t really like how he looks. Body image can be an issue for men too.
Edit: Guest judge Jilly Boyd chose my photo for this week’s round-up:
The composition of this shot is rather amazing – I’m even more impressed by it after reading SIMNH’s response in the comments about how it came to be.
This month the theme is “simple pleasures”.
My feet get cold easily, so socks are absolutely mandatory during the colder months. Nothing against socks as a concept, but I don’t love wearing them. As soon as it’s warm enough, I delight in going sockless. I’m not sure why, exactly. Perhaps I feel more grounded. I do like being able to pick things up with my toes, though there’s not usually much call for that particular talent.
As the weather turns cooler and the leaves fall, my simple pleasure is the last few days of going barefoot.
I think being able to take pleasure in the simple things is a tremendous skill.
Do you see it?
Unplanned, yet appropriate.
I planned to snap something fresh this morning, but that didn’t happen for a variety of reasons: I tossed and turned during the night and then woke up late; I didn’t have much time this morning; I had a vague idea for a photo but the top I wanted to use was in the wash; I had an appointment of sorts with family members, and there’s some unresolved emotional stuff in the background that has me feeling off balance; and to top it off, the light is crap today.
So, here’s another shot with this mirror, which, if you’ve seen this Sinful Sunday post, will be looking familiar by now.
See who else is participating in Boobday this week.
The theme for this month is “vintage/retro”. I wanted an early 1900s feel so I did a spot of research and came across The Old Pornographer, a great site full of vintage erotic photos. They inspired this shoot.
The color effect is a compromise. My inspiration photos were black and white or sepia, but when I edited my photos in that way, they still felt modern. The tint is a less literal interpretation but I think it’s more evocative of “vintage”.