I’m still alive

Is something wrong? she said
Of course there is
You’re still alive, she said
Oh, do I deserve to be?
Is that the question?
[“Alive”, Pearl Jam]

Oh dear, it’s hard to get back in the groove after so long away. I’ve had a busy couple of months, but it’s been so long that nothing seems significant enough to talk about. I have lots of ideas of things to write about – or at least I thought I did, until confronted with a blank page. It feels like when you run into someone you haven’t seen for years and yet somehow you’re able to catch up in about 10 minutes. I must be forgetting something…

So, what have I been up to? Well, I went to Eroticon, and it was my second time attending. I’m definitely glad I went and I hope to attend next year too. Although this last year has been very quiet on the blog, it was good to hear interesting talks, visit with people I’ve met before (friends? is that the word?), and just be in a room with a bunch of people who are weird like me.

When I arrived at Heathrow on the Friday morning, Jaime was there to pick me up and escort me back to our room. We spent the next three weeks travelling together, mostly in southern England but we also spent the better part of a week in a Paris AirBnB. By the end of my trip, I was starting to get homesick and tired of the pace. I am, in many ways, a delicate flower.

Being away from Wolf is always strange, since we always spend so much time together. Well, we’re both introverts, so this often amounts to him at his desk and me at mine, but we’re doing our solo stuff together, if you see what I mean. I had good wifi connectivity throughout the trip so staying in touch wasn’t too hard, but this whole me having adventures while he’s at home thing is new so we don’t have a long-distance routine worked out as such.

While I was on this trip, I was tapering off my anti-depressant medication – citalopram, which is an SSRI. I had a bit of a bumpy ride but there were too many variables to know whether that was due to the meds or all of the other novelty that was going on around me. Prior to going off the meds, I had been feeling consistently good and the side effects were starting to bother me, so I think the timing was right. An issue that’s been plaguing me is the not really caring about doing things, or finishing things I start. This was a symptom of the depression but in a slightly different version it became, I think, one of the side effects.

I’ve had a series of mild but still significant health complaints in addition to the mental health stuff. The most recent in the litany is arthritis in my neck, the treatment for which has caused low-grade tension and chronic pain from the shoulders up, plus mild nausea. Add this to the irritable bowel syndrome, whose primary symptom for me is wicked bloating, and my ongoing hypoglycemia, and my stomach is very confused and unhappy.

My libido is still very low and the above seems to have killed it again. I have given Tabitha Rayne‘s #30DayOrgasmFun project a go, but my disinterest, it is high, and persisting would defeat the purpose of having fun with it. So.

Even though I haven’t been posting photos, I seem to have established a habit of taking mile-high selfies (and the occasional comparable ground-level ones) whenever the opportunity arises. It has arisen rather a lot in the last while, and I expect it to do so a couple more times before midsummer.

So that’s my life in a nutshell.

Eroticon 2018 Meet and Greet

Right now, I’m in a large bed in a large hotel room. I have a business trip grafted on immediately before my Europe/Eroticon trip, with no time in between to go home. I’ve packed two suitcases – carry-on for business, checked for Europe – and stored the Europe bag at the airport rather than lug it with me. When I’m done the business trip part, I’ll switch out and leave a different bag behind. I feel clever but there’s a part of me that’s worried I’ve missed something because I’m deviating significantly from my packing routine.

I wish I could just cut to the chase (or maybe “love scene” would be a more appropriate metaphor), but I have a few days of hard work first, followed by some not exactly easy travel.

Last year was my first Eroticon. I’m very glad to be attending again in 2018, but my blogging energy and output has been much reduced over the last year, and I regret having unintentionally drifted a little ways away from this fantastic community.

NAME (and Twitter if you have one)

Zoe K  @sexismynewhobby

What are you most looking forward to about Eroticon 2018?

For me, it’s the people. It’s the perfect excuse to get Jaime and me in the same country, and after Eroticon we’re going to go travelling together. I’m also looking forward to meeting up with folks I met last year, folks who were there but I didn’t meet because I hadn’t gotten to know them yet, and folks who couldn’t make it.

 

If the people I’ve met in person and online are at all representative, sex bloggers are a great bunch of people and that I tend to get along with really well. A certain worldview coupled with kindness and intelligence makes for a heady mix.

We are creating a play list of songs for the Friday Night Meet and Greet. Nominate one song that you would like us to add to the play list and tell us why you picked that song.

“Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin.

Zep was one of many bands that could be heard regularly in my house but I didn’t come to appreciate them until I was almost out of high school. They quickly became my favourite band and have remained so for my entire adult life. I once sang “Ramble On” (with a real band) at a talent show.

And since there’s apparently still room on the playlist, I’ll suggest a second song – “Dusty” by Soundgarden.

Soundgarden is my second love, after Led Zeppelin. “Dusty” is a great example of the weird time signatures that Soundgarden uses. Most of it is in 4/4, but there’s a chunk in (I think) 10/8, and other bits that I’ve never quite been able to pin down: some 7/8? maybe one or two bars of 11/8? Fucked if I know, but I enjoy trying to figure it out.

(Royal Blood is looking competitive for my number 3 spot. I don’t think I’ve noticed and odd time signatures, but they do some wonderfully complex and unpredictable melodies/chord progressions. Just FYI.)

What’s the first career you dreamed of having as a kid?

Veterinarian.

Weirdest place you’ve ever gotten up to mischief (define ‘mischief’ however you like…).

In a storage room in a church basement towards the end of an evening event. It wasn’t because I was overcome with lust – I was kind of ticking the location off a list. Still, it was amusing.

Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself.

This is so hard and is the main reason why I haven’t done my meet and greet sooner, but here goes:

I swam competitively in high school.

My first job was selling bets at a racetrack.

I saw a geisha once in Kyoto. I had no idea who she was and yet she knew my name.

Complete the sentence: I want…

…to rediscover my creativity, and to learn how to trust more deeply

Attending Eroticon 2018

Boobday: Linear A

I’m looking forward to my photo shoot trip, which is next weekend, woo! Nothing much to report on that front, except that Lucas just found out that he’ll have to work on one of the days he’d hoped to have off. That was the day we were planning to do some shopping for fetish wear, but with any I’ll still be able to hit a couple of shops, either on my own or together on one of our shoot days.

I’ve arranged to see Mr. PS for dinner while I’m in town. I’ve got some extra time now, so maybe I’ll be able to spend that with him. I’m confident that he has no ulterior motives towards me, but I’d say there’s a fair chance we’ll cuddle on his couch.

I’m going to have to start packing soon. I’m only going for a few days, and under normal circumstances my clothes would fit in a carry-on bag. I tend to be practical, but not quite minimalist. Not yet. If left to my own devices I can easily wear the same pair of pants (that’s trousers for the Brits) for 5 days in a row, but I find it difficult to leave home and commit to wearing the same pants for that length of time. And I’m going to be bringing half of my wardrobe to play dress-up: dresses, heels, boots, lingerie. All the frippery that I would ordinarily leave behind. So my usual strategy of packing everything the day before won’t work so well because my usual packing skillz don’t apply. I have this mental image of little me rolling this big bag along in full princess mode, wearing a tight dress that shows a lot of thigh and my knee-high gladiator “sandals” with the 4″ heel. Yeah, not so much.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been writing less over the last few months. I’ve been busier with work and have had less time to write, and less writing seems to mean fewer ideas for writing, which initiates a vicious circle of less writing, etc. But I might be turning the corner, inspiration-wise at least: I have a play party to write up, as well as most of my visit with Gawan, which was months ago, and my thoughts about where I’m at currently are starting to ripen. I’ve also started posting a bit of serialized fiction, and I’m not ready to drop that story yet. Now the trick is not to get overwhelmed with it all and freeze up.

The other day I booked the flights for a trip to London in early spring. I’m going to Eroticon! I’m looking forward to meeting some of the bloggers who I’ve become acquainted with online and hopefully turn some of those acquaintances into friends. I’m also holidaying with Gawan on this trip, and I have to admit that he’s the bigger draw. Good thing I don’t have to choose 🙂

Aaaand, Molly announced the Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2016 today. I’m very chuffed to have made the list again this year! Why not check out the list and find some good new blogs?

boobday-linear-a
After the play party.

badge Boobday