Boobday: on closer reflection

I’ve been back home long enough that it feels normal again. Well, mostly. Having been in a place where the sun was nearly overhead, somehow it seems like at home it’s even lower than it was last year at this time. And the days are so short.

I don’t think I’ve talked much about my fatigue here. It’s an ongoing issue, like for years now. I don’t have a diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome, though I could probably get one if I wanted it; my doctor doesn’t disagree with it but he doesn’t find it helpful so he hasn’t branded me with it so far.

While I was away, I didn’t notice any unusual fatigue. Granted, I was on vacation and actually took things easy, but still, it stood out. At one point I wondered if I might actually be better. And then I got home, and after recovering from the exhaustion of long haul travel and jet lag, I feel like I still have the same fatigue problem as before. Curious but somewhat encouraging that it went away, if only briefly.

This photo was taken during my trip. There’s nothing green outside my window at home.

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Boobday: mile high 20

Hello all! I just got home the other day from a lengthy trip to visit Jaime. It was wonderful to spend time with him again after so long apart, but I’m now getting re-accustomed to my regular routine. And time zone. And hemisphere.

If anyone asks about my trip, I can tell them that the weather was good but it was rather disorienting to go to a country where the sun is too high and on the wrong side of the sky, and that it took even longer to get used to because half the days were cloudy. It’s been disorienting coming home too, with snow on the ground and what feels like 5:30 pm sunshine at 1:30.

But I won’t tell them how it’s both comforting and bittersweet to go from the care of one man I love to that of the other, in either direction. Or how, even though there’s been a net increase of love, I regret the fact that the competition for my time is a zero-sum game and I must always disappoint one of them.

These photos are from the outbound trip.

 

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Boobday: mile high 19

Yes, it’s another airplane loo shot.

This was taken during an unplanned trip to attend a relative’s memorial. It’s got me thinking about family, my own childhood and history, and the history of others that has affected me even though I wasn’t there.

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last three years or so, but I can’t help feeling that the key to deeply understanding myself is locked away inside the head of a person who’d prefer to take her secrets to her grave. And if I’ve learned one thing recently, it’s that the grave may be nearer than you think.

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Boobday: mile high 18

Things are still quiet around here.

I finished out the term of dance classes but right when I was pretty much ready to take a break for the summer, one of my students had an idea that intrigued me. So I’m starting up another class (with shared teaching duties) soon. Time will tell if I come to regret this. I’ve also started taking a dance class as a student. It’s in a different style and very aerobic, so I’m definitely going to get a workout.

I’ve been feeling a bit better, energy-wise, and I’ve been putting that into my work. Er, and dance, which then leaves me tired. Not sure if there’s a net gain here.

My newest new hobby appears to be decluttering, and as it happens, sorting out my emotional shit has also given me some clarity about the stuff I want or don’t want in my house. Weird but true. And now I’ve found a website to sell my stuff on: people come to my house to take away the things I would have had to junk, recycle or donate, and sometimes I even get money for it! Amazing!

One down side of this is that the spot where I used to take most of my self-portraits now contains a table where I takes photos of my crap to post on that website. It’s a very functional spot in the house, but I’ve sort of lost my studio.

Overall, I’m feeling pretty good though I still wish I had more energy.

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Boobday: mile high 17

It’s been a bit quiet around here lately. There are a few reasons for that, but nothing dire. I have low energy at the best of times and I’m even more tired than usual, which I think is partly a side effect from some medication I’m taking.

My interest in the blog, both writing and photography, seems to be going through a low patch. (Hell, I’m having a hard time even replying to comments, never mind creating content.) But my interest in some of my other hobbies, such as dance and sewing/costuming, has been higher than usual lately. So it balances out – at least, it does for me.

I think I just need to ride it out.

 

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Boobday: mile high 16

Braced for turbulence.

This is the last of my stash of mile-high photos for the time being. There may be fewer photo posts here over the next while as I’ve noticed that taking photos for the blog has starting to feel less like fun and more like an obligation. I’ll just have to see how it goes.

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Boobday: mile high 15

I’ve had a good week this week. The weather has been lovely, and other than the occasional cough, my cold is history! I also received my first sex toy for review — watch this space.

My mood has been fairly good lately. I attribute that largely to the direct effect of the anti-depressants, but also to the virtuous cycle that they’ve launched. My symptoms of depression include indecision, second-guessing myself, and having difficulty getting anything done.

The medication allows me to make decisions and get things done, which gives me a sense of accomplishment that in turn makes me feel better about myself. And then I have more confidence about tackling the next task. It’s slow going but I’ve got a bit of momentum now. I’m not certain that the dose is quite right yet, but it’s close.

Another in-flight photo for you.

As Hy says, “Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.”

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Boobday: mile high 14

I kind of struggled this week. My period hit me hard, and between the resultant fatigue, brain fog, and complete absence of motivation, it was a slog.

But my cold is over, and I declare myself well! On top of that, it’s now the weekend and I there’s nothing I have to do.

Returning from the business trip.

As Hy says, “Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.”

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Boobday: mile high 13

I’m finally feeling pretty much well again, though I still have a couple of mild lingering symptoms. It’s been about eight weeks now! I’ve never had such a persistent cold before. But I’m continuing to get lots of rest and take care of myself, and that’s about all I can do.

My mood seems a bit improved lately. Maybe it’s because the worst of the cold is well behind me, or that life feels calm, or that I seem to have a little more energy and motivation to work on some personal projects.

Or maybe it’s just spring.

This photo is from my last outbound flight on the business trip that followed the Europe trip.

As Hy says, “Boobday is a body-positive meme where women share images of their bodies in order to show that there is beauty in all of us. With confidence comes power and with power comes confidence.”

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