it’s just everything

It’s been an unforgettable summer, that’s for sure.

In mid-July, someone broke into our house (well, came into — the door was unlocked because it was daytime in this small, sleepy city) while we were both home, grabbed a fistful of keys from beside the door and tried to steal our car. They didn’t get far. Couldn’t drive stick. But they got house keys so we had to get the locks changed immediately. Office keys. My spare bike lock key, I think. The key to Wolf’s tool chest. We got the car towed from where it sat partly blocking the alley, had the ignition reprogrammed, and parked it a few blocks away, but even so, they found it, stole it, torched it.

It has weighed on my mind. I’ve got a new car now but I haven’t quite wrapped up the insurance claim. It’s become a source of some anxiety. And I’ve been busy. So it’s not done yet. On Friday I got a notice to renew the plates on the old car even though they know it’s a total loss. I guess I need to deal with that..

Wolf has moved back to the city where he worked the winter academic term. I’ve gone to visit twice — the first time having borrowed my mom’s car, the second as my new car’s inaugural trip. I like this new car. I like the colour. The last time I had a new car was almost 13 years ago; I didn’t expect it to end like this. I worry about the new one a bit.

In August, I masturbated a lot compared to my previous average. Not deliberately. I was just trying to pay attention to my body, listen when it whispered in my ear. In September it stopped whispering again. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I’m on my own now and I’m just busy all the time?

I renegotiated the mortgage so I could pay it off earlier. I want to be thinking about repairs and upgrades, but mostly I’m thinking about security. I’m getting a utilitarian fence this fall. I need to take down the old one, though frankly I could probably get most of it down by leaning on it. Are the eavestroughs going to make it through another winter?

My new term of dance classes has started again. I took a trip to do a workshop earlier in the month, and replenish the well. It helped but this still feels like a slog — lesson planning and choreo for a show and another, earlier show that I was given a last-minute invitation to perform at.

Dance is the one place in real life that I socialise. I work from home in silence and that’s how I like it. People take so much energy. And some of them get angry — actually angry — about the weather. Remind me why I’m friends with these people? Am I even?

I spoke to my dad. Things are better than they’ve been for a while. But the last time I talked to him was already two months ago. It takes so much energy.

First I had no ideas about what to write. Then a few, but no time. Then they backed up, and then it was overwhelming — where to start? No time, no time. Easier to say nothing than try to spit out half-formed thoughts.

It’s just everything.

Sinful Sunday: It’s all about the image.

Sinful Sunday: It’s all about the image.

Sinful Sunday: arcs

Smooth. Taut. Toned. Strong.


The prompt this week is “minimalism“, which, as it turns out, is pretty much my style in a nutshell. So I took an image and made it even more minimal than usual.

I looked for quotes relating to hips and, other than the worn out “hips don’t lie”, I found nothing that was both pithy and positive. The catchiest sayings all expressed embarrassment and self-consciousness, as though the only purpose of hips is to collect fat, which is shameful obvs. As though by representing the widest circumference of most women’s bodies, hips are a sin against an incredibly limited and thus impoverished definition of beauty.

I don’t buy it. Hips are just curves, arcs. Some are curvier than others. No matter. Hips can be juicy and luscious. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

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Sinful Sunday: statuesque

There’s something about my photo this week that reminds me of Aphrodite Anadyomene (rising from the sea), who is often shown with tilted shoulders and hips, usually associated with wringing out her hair.

(Botticelli’s Birth of Venus is a famous depiction of that moment, though it’s a different pose, with one arm vaguely across her breasts and the other hand in front of her groin: in Latin, Venus Pudica or “Modest Venus”. )

Roman, 1st c. AD
Roman, 1st c. AD
Roman, 2nd-3rd c. AD


This is the 300th week of Sinful Sunday. Thanks and congratulations to Molly Moore for creating and running the meme all this time. And thanks to the Sinful Sunday community for your generosity; I look forward to meeting those of you who will be attending Eroticon in March.

I’m delighted to count myself a part of this community: my first SS was week 207 (March 2015), and my participation rate has been about 90% since then.

Edit: Guest judges Rebecca and Andy from A Couple of Kinks chose my photo as part of the Round-up this week:

We love how simple and complex this image is at the same time. The simplicity is due to the straight-shot, solo-body, black and white capture. The complexity comes from the angle of the body and the shadows created with these angles. We love the comparison to Roman statues and how the image cuts just below the head. This shot was perfectly executed – it is smart, sensual and speaks beyond the photo.

Thank you both!

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Boobday: linear

I’m posting a sexier photo for Boobday this week as compared to last week. Am I feeling sexier? Not appreciably. I’m still feeling inward-looking, but a little less so than last week.

This image doesn’t objectify me. It can’t. I’m the model, stylist, photographer, editor, and publisher. All decisions have been made by me: it’s a demonstration of my agency, even if you can’t see my face.

It is, I think, a sexy image. I felt sexy when I took the photo, and I wouldn’t have taken the photo if I wasn’t enjoying myself. Not all photos of an individual are equally sexy even though it’s the same person throughout. The most significant variables are the pose and clothing. There isn’t much to my pose, so the sexiness is mostly from what I’m wearing.

I bought this bodysuit mostly for me. When I first saw it (in the possession of someone who had recently bought one for herself), I wanted it immediately. That doesn’t usually happen. I’m not really one for collecting clothes. I went to some lengths to get it, and then bought other items from the same line because I liked them that much. (Repeating patterns, like the parallel lines here, tickle my brain in a good way.)

Like any photo I post here, I hope you enjoy it. But the more important thing is that I enjoy it. And I do.


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Boobday: rules of engagement

You’ll have to take my word for it that my arm position is inspired by a dance move.

I’m always reminding my students to keep their muscles engaged. To my eye, supporting the arms with one’s back muscles enhances the move in a subtle way and gives it strength and integrity beyond the superficial. It enhances the flavor, like making soup with stock rather than plain water.


Plans for the photo shoot with Lucas are coming together. I’ll post an update tomorrow.

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