Is there something (or things) that you would absolutely say no to in a sexual context?
What are your limits? Are they hard? Soft?
Have your limits changed over time?
My sexual limits have definitely changed since my epiphany, which has made the last year and a half quite exciting.
Before, I placed a lot of restrictions on sexual play (and on my partner) in order to feel safe. Receiving cunnilingus was OK, and being penetrated with a finger or two was OK in that context but not otherwise. Touching his cock and having intercourse were essentially soft limits. Fellatio felt threatening and degrading: hard limit, no question. Anal play: hard limit. No toys. Non-monogamy was an absolutely rigid limit that I wouldn’t have even thought about questioning.
What a difference it made when I no longer had sexual shame putting on the brakes: I get turned on, I get wet and relaxed! Intercourse is no longer uncomfortable and I actually enjoy it, physically and emotionally, even though I can’t climax that way. Touching my partner’s cock is no longer a limit. I have a few toys now – my little vibrator gets the most use.
Fellatio first became a soft limit, and now it’s not a limit anymore. I tend to feel shy about it, but I’m able to offer without taking ages to work up the nerve, and once I get started I’m fine.
I’ve found that I enjoy anal play with fingers or toys. I’m curious about anal sex, but it’s not going to happen for a while: I find my partner’s girth rather, um, intimidating at the moment.
I now enjoy some spicy stuff that verges on BDSM (spanking, dirty talk, mild bondage, being blindfolded), or is definitely BDSM (flogging, submission, enforced availability). The stuff I tend to fantasize about is generally BDSM. I’d say non-monogamy is a soft limit: I’ve had some mild sexual play with one person who is not my partner but I have no interest in being sexual with anyone else.
My current sexual (non-BDSM) limits: monogamy with one notable exception. I’d probably try most “ordinary” things. If I were single, one-night stands would be a hard limit, and “friends with benefits” seems highly unlikely to appeal. No swinging, cuckolding, threesomes or group sex. I’m not interested in playing with other women.
My BDSM limits are much, much broader since I’m such a novice – there’s a lot that I might try at some point but I’m not ready for now. Hard limits: scat; needles, cutting, drawing blood, permanent marks; humiliation; breath play.