F4TF: first times

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The questions:

What was the first overtly sexual act you performed on someone else or had performed on you? How did you feel about it afterwards?

There are a couple of firsts that I wouldn’t quite define as “overtly sexual”: first kiss (woo!); first time a guy touched my breasts (yawn).

I think the first overtly sexual act would be receiving cunnilingus. And the weird thing is that I have absolutely no recollection of the event.

I can reconstruct it up to a point: I’m certain that I know which boyfriend it was (a good guy, we’re still friends). It probably happened at my place. He would have initiated it and I would have allowed it: I wouldn’t have thought to actively want it, and even if I did, I would have been struck mute and unable to ask for it. I’m quite sure I didn’t come. I’m pretty sure he went down on me more than just the once.

It’s curious to have a blind spot about something that was, both at the time and in retrospect, so significant, and I wonder if I blocked it out because of my general sexual shame. Objectively speaking (if objectivity is remotely relevant in the context of deeply emotional issues), it wasn’t a negative experience, and cunnilingus would be the first sexual act I did with many if not most subsequent boyfriends. So, all in all it was a positive experience.

If only I could remember it.

See who else is talking about first times here.

4 thoughts on “F4TF: first times

  1. I agree the firsts for me came with some shame of showing any sexuality. My most memorable moment of shame was at an eighth grade dance when I first danced cheek to cheek and had an erection that was obvious and felt by her. At the time it was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Now my lover seeks to excite me to feel that same erection when hugging. Of course age has impacted that reaction and that too is embarrassing when there is no erection.

    The best part is we both love cunnilingus.


    1. Adolescence seems to be all about being embarrassed, doesn’t it? But there’s no need to be embarrassed now – it’s entirely natural and not unexpected. Sure, it’s a bother if you had specific plans, but c’est la vie. It’s good to have contingency plans 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That is an interesting question. I’ll share one. When I was first dating, and making out in the backseat of the car with my first real girlfriend, I unsnapped her bra. She was on top of me. Then I became scared and held the two straps together for like a half hour as we tongued each other. Finally, I summed up the nerve and let go and quickly slipped my hand around and cupped her breast. She was so startled, that she sprang up and hit her head on the roof of the car. Talk about a mood spoiler. It was some time before I felt a bare tit… and not hers.


    1. Adolescent fumblings, indeed! I think everyone has experienced this kind of awkwardness.

      I have a similar story. I was making out with a guy (who I’d met a few hours before) in his car and he was trying to squeeze my breast. But it was winter, I had a thick coat on, and his hand was outside the coat. He didn’t seem to realize that he had more armpit than breast and I was too embarrassed to say anything.


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