This week’s question:
Have you ever cheated? If so, what were the reasons behind it, and how did you feel afterwards?
This is an easy one. I’ve never cheated.
I’ve always had a strong sense of loyalty and commitment. Honesty and integrity are really important to me.
I was always motivated to be in a relationship. I’d say my loyalty and commitment were overdeveloped, as they kicked in as soon as I was in anything resembling a relationship, regardless of its quality and whether the guy in question deserved it. I hadn’t yet learned to ask myself “Am I happy being with this person?”
Because of what I learned about relationships when I was growing up, it was never a challenge not to cheat. I feel good about not having cheated because it aligns with my sense of integrity, but it doesn’t really feel like an “accomplishment”. Similarly, choosing not to do heroin isn’t an accomplishment for me – it’s just not my thing.
With Gawan, I’m doing some things that others might label “cheating”. But Wolf still has my loyalty and commitment, and – critically – my honesty and integrity. Gawan is entitled to honesty and integrity too; and he also gets some loyalty and commitment because I consider him to be “my people”. For us, this makes it ethical non-monogamy rather than cheating.