This week, the topic is fantasy.
Do you have a sexual fantasy that you would be embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone about?
Is it a complete fantasy or would you like it to actually happen in real life, if you had the chance?
Are you brave enough to share it here with us?
My fantasies, such as they are, have always been very tame indeed.
Before my epiphany, I rarely thought about sex, mostly because it wasn’t something that I enjoyed doing. In a fantasy you run the show, so even if you imagine being utterly helpless, your imagined partner magically does precisely the right thing. It’s entirely safe. And yet that safety wasn’t enough to overcome my underlying sexual shame, which was whispering in my ear that sex was bad and that for me to want it (or even think about it) was wrong.
When I was in university, I often found myself studying during the late evening and I tended not to allow myself enough time to shift gears before bed, so I’d end up with coursework running through my mind and keeping me awake. I tried to distract myself by thinking about my hobby, which at the time was sewing. I would muse about color, fabric, design, and construction challenges… and end up with sewing projects running through my mind and keeping me awake.
Eventually I started distracting myself at bedtime by fantasizing – it provided a topic that I could focus on but, because I had to actively think about the details and the plot in order to keep it moving, there was no risk that it would take on a life of its own and keep me awake.
The fantasies were romantic in nature, focusing on what I found most exciting at the time: meeting someone new, first kiss, that sort of thing. I gravitate toward realism and detail, so I’d think about guys that I knew from my classes. But when I noticed that this was starting to affect how I felt about these guys, I dismissed them. Regardless of whether fantasizing about other guys while I was with Wolf was OK or not, I didn’t want to imagine myself into any kind of attachment with them, however slight. So I replaced them with someone completely unattainable – an actor – though this sacrificed some of the realism that I was after.
These days when I fantasize, I’m in bed either trying to fall asleep at night or trying to wake up in the morning, and the fantasies are still quite tame and realistic though they no longer resemble Disney romance. I explore and test-drive ideas about what I might actually want to do in real life, not generally venturing more than a step or two beyond my current comfort level.